Right Between The Eyes

I haven’t written for a while because I started thinking I needed to have something BIG to say first. But I’ve changed my mind. We’ll talk about something small. Well, small to you. I had an epiphany last night. It wasn’t the lightning bolt of epiphanies, but it was a big deal to me.

After I’d bemoaned the difficulty I’m having deciding among some choices that have recently opened before me, like moving to the Texas gulf now or moving later (oh, the horror of it all!), a friend emailed an offhand remark:

“Gee,” she said, “how exciting.”

I gave that a second’s consideration, then replied:

Huh.

And decided I really needed to find a friend with more tender sensibilities.

Then, last night, I was at this support-group thingy and someone read from one of those daily-meditate-on-this books. I don’t remember which book and I don’t remember the entire passage and I don’t even remember the central thrust of the writing. But one of the lines—-something I do remember that the author thought was not A Good Thing—-was: “I viewed my life as a tragedy.”

The sentence smacked me up the side of the head. Along with the trace memory of my friend’s emailed remark, it made me look harder at the perspective I’ve developed in the last few years. For two of those years, life handed me some pretty nasty stuff. Tragic stuff. So, I, naturally, understandably, and even forgiveably, viewed my life as a tragedy. But for the last year, life’s pendulum, as it’s wont to do, has swung back.

But I’ve stayed stuck in the old mindset. I--once an eternal, infernal optimist--I am stunned to discover I’ve become a glass-half-empty person.

So last night I decided—-and this morning I reaffirmed—-to be more aware of all I have to be grateful for. I firmly believe that f I focus on, and consciously make the effort to appreciate, what I already have, then the answers I want will arrive with greater ease. And hopefully with more gentleness than a smack on the head.